The Power of Madonna

I’ve been through a break up this year, and it’s been pretty rough. We were together for four and a half years- my longest relationship and one that was based on the closest of friendships. It was a fairly amicable breakup, but I’ve had a rough few months getting to the point where I can talk to him and genuinely enjoy our conversations.

This is because the hardest part of the breakup for me has been getting through the idea that while I was devastated, he seemed absolutely fine. My head works like this, it doesn't necessarily mean it's true- but it's been true to me and it's been something I have had to work on being fine with. It really impacted my self-worth. I’ve spent a long time this year not understanding why I’m not enough to be upset over, why I’m not enough to miss. There’s always going to be disparities when there’s a breakup- one person recovers quicker. There’s the inevitable moment that mutual friends tell you something you weren’t ready to hear, and you feel sick for days. I’ve always been the one to recover slower and take my time reintroducing myself to dating, because my priority is to reintroduce myself to myself. I'm actually proud of that fact now.

For the last few months I’ve focused in pretty hard on defining my own self-worth and learning to invest real time counting the things I like about myself. Now, after feeling round in the dark for ways to make myself feel like the queen that I am, I feel so much better. I do things because I want to and I don’t have to explain that to anyone. I’ve discovered new things I like doing and I invest my time in them. I’ve basically created a whole new person, and I did that by myself. Maybe the effect I had on one person was small. Maybe it is the case that my absence hasn’t created so much as a ripple, but if I lost a single part of the kindness, tolerance, helpfulness and generosity that makes up who I am, I would miss me.

Do you know how I got here? Aside from friends, family and a spontaneous move to London, it’s been music. Specifically, empowering pop divas. Camp as fuck, unapologetic queens of pop. I spent a long time this year completely unable to name a single thing liked about myself. Empowering music has been such a help because it is an immediately accessible, bitesize reminder that I can always find something good about myself. Hearing messages of body positivity, friendship, self-love and independence is empowering. I could feel better in the space of two and a half minutes if I chose the right song. (That song is Vogue. Always.)

I used to listen to a lot of metal and 80s goth. I was a proper mosher growing up and 15 year old me would probably think 27 year old me such a loser. I still listen to my old music sometimes. I’m always going to have a special place in my heart for irrelevant nu metal and Sisters of Mercy. I can only describe my taste in music as erratic and jarring. I truly feel for whoever ends up marrying me because he's in for a life of sonic confusion. My main Spotify playlist bounces between Limp Bizkit, Cardi B, Glee, Type O Negative and Holly Valance. Remember her? Has anyone checked on her recently?

Now I mainly listen to pop. Specifically, the Holy Trinity: Madonna, Lady Gaga and Beyonce. It’s easy to dismiss pop as a guilty pleasure and the lowest common denominator. Maybe it is, but it has an important function for a lot of people. Different people place different value on music, and, by and large, I think people choose what to listen to because of how it makes them feel. Happy, angry, empowered, confident, beautiful, cool. Maybe the music I listen to isn't what anyone would call cool, but if everyone was cool no one would be. So as well as listening to mainstream multi-platinum selling artists to feel empowered, I am also doing my bit to keep the balance. People like me make you look good. You’re welcome.

It’s empowering to hear songs about being independent and FIERCE, liking your body, feeling your oats. Sometimes we all feel bad about ourselves. We don’t like the way we look, the person we are. And you just have to take the things that make you feel better and absolutely pound them. My gym playlist is called ‘Divas: The Holy Trinity Plus Side Chicks’ and it is entirely populated by women. Jay Z features in one song but that’s hardly my fault. It’s not even really my gym playlist anymore because it’s on ALL THE TIME.

Madonna is the most empowering female musical figure I can imagine. Her music is about having control of your body, your sexuality and who you are. She is independent and fierce. She takes no prisoners and she doesn’t need anyone else. Who among us doesn’t need that message? It’s not just empowering, it’s unifying. Essentially, music like Madonna’s is a form of storytelling. The figure has a shtick- they serve a purpose. Madonna’s is to empower. For many people, it works. Otherwise it wouldn’t be so enduring. But here she still is, marching on for the sake of me and the gays.

I’m pretty sure everyone has a story like this. Everyone has gone through this situation and finds their solutions. Mine has been to invest time in things I unapologetically love. Surrounding myself with things just because they make me happy is empowering in itself. I don't care if I have a taste in music that no one could possibly accuse of being cool- it makes me feel good. This is why I don’t accept the concept of guilty pleasures- if something can make me feel confident to wear a certain outfit, talk to someone new, look at myself in the mirror and think “I actually have gorgeous eyes”- I will take it. I consciously listen to strong women deliver messages of self-love, confidence, not giving a shit if someone wants them or not and taking control of their bodies. I think it’s been a case of fake it till you make it. Now I actually don’t give a shit if someone wants me or not. I want me. I can list the things I like about myself. I put my music on, go to the gym or for a walk, and think “look at me- I’m fine.”