Public rhetoric surrounding suicide and addiction in music

I wrote this piece the day Chester Bennington died. I'm reposting it today, in the wake of Keith Flint's suicide, because I think it's important we understand that there is nothing to be romanticized about suicide or mental illness, and those in the public eye who die as a result of poor mental health are so much more than their illness.

"During my teens, I had posters from Kerrang magazine plastering my walls. Over the last few years, we have lost members of each of those bands, with the exception of Korn. Chi Cheng, Paul Gray, Wayne Static, and now Chester Bennington, have all tragically died as a result of mental illness. I want to talk about how we, as a society, deal with the loss of someone in the public eye from suicide or addiction and the language that we use in the aftermath of a celebrity suicide or overdose.

“What a waste.”

Undoubtedly, we are greatly impacted by the loss of a public figure who has been a part of our collective consciousness. That is what made Amy Winehouse’s death so difficult. We saw her rise to stardom, her descent into addiction, her struggles with fame and the media, and finally we saw her die. After Amy’s death, the phrase “what a waste” was bandied around. I have mentioned this in a previous post: mental health issues don’t care if you’re talented. They don’t care that you’re a millionaire, or that you’re a mother, father, daughter, son, world famous singer. Depression and addiction do not discriminate.

Amy’s loss was tragic, but she did not throw her talent to waste by becoming addicted to substances that would eventually take her life, and she certainly did not owe you any more music. I think that this idea of wasted talent does come from a place of kindness and grief, but Amy was so much more than her talent. As were Wayne Static, Paul Gray and Chester Bennington. They were all so much more than their creative output.

“Suicide is selfish. It is the coward’s way out.”

Just when you think we are making progress. Just when you think that because someone as influential as Prince Harry has spoken out enough about his anxiety problems to raise awareness, or that pop stars, grime artists, actors, footballers and Olympians have said enough to encourage people to be kinder and more understanding to people suffering from mental health problems- people who have lost their lives as a result of mental illness are still branded as selfish and cowardly.

Brian ‘Head’ Welch, one of the founding guitarists from Korn, has been an important figure for me since I picked up Korn’s self titled album at the age of 14. Tonight, he wrote on his Facebook page that he is “pissed” at “these guys sending this message to their kids and fans”, before noting that suicide is “the cowardly way out.” This felt like a punch in the stomach. For someone I have paid to see multiple times to trivialise suicide on a public forum feels like a betrayal. I have never attempted suicide, but one look at the comments on ANY post on Korn’s Facebook page will tell you that a lot of their fans have.

On a personal level, it was hurtful, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks this. I have suffered from depression and panic disorder for a number of years and I have just this week started my fourth round of therapy. Just last year, I was referred to a crisis team because I was considered ill enough to need urgent help. I know exactly what it’s like to feel worthless, helpless and unworthy of a place in the world. I can promise you, suicidal thoughts do not come from a place of selfishness. From experience, they actually come from a place of selflessness, because you feel so guilty that the people you love have to be around the person you hate. Chester was not selfish and neither is anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts.

“Tortured soul”

I’m sure you will have seen celebrities branded “tortured”, “lost” or “tragic” during a time of mental anguish or following their death. This seems like an attempt at romanticising something that is so far removed from romantic. A year after Wayne Static’s death from accidental overdose, his wife Tera Wray committed suicide. They were said to be “reunited”; their love so strong that death could not separate them- they needed to be together in the next life. Twitter was awash with this bullshit. Wayne and Tera’s deaths were not romantic. The drug and alcohol problems the two of them faced for decades were not romantic. Tera finding her husband dead in the bed next to her was not romantic. The depression that Tera endured after Wayne’s death was not romantic. And Tera’s suicide was not romantic.

Chester Bennington experienced drug and alcohol addiction from quite a young age, and he battled mental health problems throughout his life. We need to recognise the problems Chester had because they were a part of him- but they weren't ALL of him. In his death, let's remember him for his music and his kindness, and honour him by thinking of a practical and kind way to help those in a similar mental situation.

In the case of touring musicians specifically, we have suffered a heavy loss of great talent and wonderful people in recent years. Perhaps if they had been properly cared for, particularly on the road, they would still be with us.

“And with all that money…”

Musicians, band members, promoters and managers: I now speak directly to you. We need to think about how we can care for performers who are on the road a lot. Going from city to city in a bus, probably with a messed up sleeping pattern, being without family, temptation of drugs and sex around every corner. How do we help people who tour for a living maintain their mental health and feel like they have a support network when they’re away from home? Perhaps it’s time to start taking counsellors on tour, or for venues to hire them to protect performers from poor mental health. It’s all very well saying that touring musicians like Bennington have enough money to pay for the best mental healthcare in the world, but without a committed and consistently present professional to help, they are in the same position as those of us struggling through the broken NHS mental healthcare system in which we see a different doctor every time.

Chester Bennington was a defining part of my musical growth. Meteora was the first heavy album I ever bought, followed by Hybrid Theory. After the death of Chris Cornell, I read a fantastic article detailing how fans who grew up with grunge lost many of their heroes to drugs and suicide. Once these fans and their heroes had ‘grown up’, it started to feel like they were all going to be ok.

This feels a lot like that. I grew up listening to Korn, Deftones, Slipknot, Linkin Park and Papa Roach and i still listen to Nu Metal sometimes. Chester's death has hit me so hard because Chester is not alright, as we thought angsty Grunge and Nu Metal stars were now. They wrote their sad songs 20 years ago, they found fame and fortune, and now they tour the world playing packed out stadium shows. They're fine now- surely? Probably along with many people, until tonight I thought that bands like Linkin Park continued to play music about traumas that occurred 20+ years ago because they were OK now, and they were happy to trot out their hits as a nostalgic treat for fans. The traumas that were inflected in their songs weren't a problem for them any more. And if they're fine now, we must be fine now too. We've all grown out of it.

It felt like everyone had recovered from whatever it was that drew them to music like Linkin Park in the first place. But when the news of Chester's death broke, it was a hammer blow- not all of us have grown out of it."