An Introduction to Pop Culture as Self Care

Mental illness is lonely. There's no two ways about it. Feeling misunderstood, trapped, hopeless, like everything is a battle. People can become frustrated having a friend with a mental health condition. It's really shit and lonely, even if you're surrounded by incredible family and friends.

No doubt it is tiring for them, and the countless friends I've lost since I've suffered with depression and panic disorder have had their reasons to become bored of the refused invitations, cancelling plans, not answering the phone. Some people want to stay positive and struggle to maintain interest in another person's ongoing problems. I used to be a bit of a loose cannon before I became depressed, so I understand more than most the allure of waking up on a stranger's sofa with twigs in my hair. Five years back, if I had a choice between staying in with a pal while they scream about how shit life is, or go on a mad one for 12 hours, minesweep VKs from the smoking area before elegantly nibbling my regular 5am chicken burger, I would probably have chosen the second option. I do get it.

But now I've seen how crushing mental health problems are, and wish I had been able to explain what was going on with me to my friends so that they could have found reasons to persevere with me a little longer. As it is, I couldn't and they didn't and I have found ways round that. Keeping my circle small, trying to stay connected with family, becoming happy in my own company and doing things just because I enjoy them.

I've gone to doctors, psychiatrists, the gym (very reluctantly at first), tried medication, mindfulness and meditation, been hypnotised, stopped drinking, drastically reduced my caffeine intake. Everything I can do to limit my panic attacks and depression, I will try. As is the case with everyone, some things have been successful and some things I have found infuriating. I don't doubt that it has been an insurmountable help to swathes of people, but mindfulness practices pissed me right off. I've constantly wondered if I'm missing something and I haven't tried hard enough, but a practice that encourages you to notice the sensations in your body isn't totally groovy for me because often it makes me notice symptoms of panic that much more- pounding heart, pains in my arms, tummy ache. That sort of shit. But I tried it, and I'll carry on trying new things.

In all the years I've tried new coping mechanisms, one has really stayed with me and has endured. It's something accessible, it allows me to combine regular treatment with my own interests, and it is a pretty much inexhaustible source of help for me.

I've always been a bit of a pop culture junkie. When I was a kid, I used to watch The Little Mermaid on repeat, all day long. My poor mother. I'd bring a book to a family meal out, to the great annoyance of my family. The Spice Girls were my heroes- in the last 20 years I have come to realise that actually Mel B was the superior Spice and I have also since been heartbroken to learn that they were pals with Thatcher.

Books, movies, podcasts, TV shows, music and theatre have been an enduring help through my experiences with mental health problems. Alongside other treatments or strategies, popular media has been a way for me to cope with panic attacks and depression. It's clearly not a treatment and I'm not saying that watching Stranger Things will cure depression, but it's probably not going to make it any worse and you'll enjoy something for a short time, focus on something new and it's something to talk about confidently with other people. When I feel alone, I can read a book or watch a movie and feel connected to characters, writers and other fans.

Not only are books, movies, shows or music an often necessary distraction when you're in the throes of a mental health episode, I think they can also teach us valuable lessons about empathy, communication, morality and self care. Sitting down to enjoy something just because you like it, drawing lessons from your favourite show or movie, learning something new or finding a way to stay calm are strategies I have learned to employ on the regular. And honestly, I feel less lonely, even when I'm alone under a blanket with a book than I have on so many drunken nights out. I have been able to find people who share my interests, find events to go to and learn a lot of new things.

I wanted to start this blog to discuss how pop culture has helped me feel less lonely and scared, recommend stuff that has helped me alleviate panic and depression, and rant about mental health experiences unrelated to media. I hope you find something helpful here, and I'm sorry for how much I'm definitely going to talk about Neil Gaiman and Nicolas Cage.